Posts

We Don't Just Grieve Over The Dead

My baby has a driver's license.   He's the first kid out of my three to get his license.   My oldest has no desire to drive. My middle son has a bike that gets him to most the places he wants to go so he hasn't even taken driver's ed yet. But my baby has a license. I've been working on letting go for a long time.  Really since the day my oldest looked back at me, giggled, and RAN THE OTHER WAY when he was just over a year old.  I remember that moment vividly.  I knew that was the beginning of letting go. And I was right. I've been letting go in bits and pieces since then. I knew this, of course.  But this driver's license thing really hit me. And last night, while I laid awake in bed with my friend Blanche (aka...my anxiety) telling me lots of stories in a way she hasn't in a very long time...it hit me.   I'm grieving.   This feeling is so familiar.  I've been with grief for 9 years now, since my mom wa

What You Can Learn in 21 Days

Today I'm officially off the food plan.  I didn't finish it like I would have liked to as eating the way the plan is designed while out and about is super difficult and I had a busy few days last week.  So, I did the best I could but here are the totals and what I've learned: * 7.8lbs lost - that's an average of 2.6lbs a week AND after really going off plan last Wednesday, Friday and Saturday. * 11.25" lost - that's pretty incredible.  I'm REALLY glad I measured because this part makes me feel much more positive about the whole thing. * I won't do this plan again.  Even though I believe it works.  It is too strict for my life and eating according to phase was really difficult for me.   * I WILL continue to eat well and develop my own plan going forward.  I learned I can give up wheat and dairy just fine.  Which makes me feel I can go vegan fairly easily. * I will not put pressure on myself to do ANYTHING perfectly.  I can go *mostly* vegan wit

When You Fall Off the Wagon

I'm all about transparency here.  And I've been very honest about this meal plan I've been on.  So, it's only fair that I'm honest when things change.   It's the evening of day 16.  I had started this week really well.  And then today hit.  And off the wagon, I fell. I worked this morning and brought my new mini-crock pot with me and heated up chili and was really proud of myself.  I worked until Noon and then ran a couple of errands, was home for a bit and then back out the door with my youngest at 1:30.  We had some stuff to handle with his Running Start paperwork and then we caught a ferry to Seattle for a video game event.  I brought food with me.  It's in a cooler in my car.  I ate some Jicama.  And then a headache came on.  And exhaustion (I've been up since 2:30am...that's another story).  And I was starting to realize that my body has been sending me signals for the last few days.  Although it's dropped some weight and inches (8.75&

The Walk Towards 50 Continues...

Here I am... nearing the end of day 13 of the Fast Metabolism Diet.  If you don't have all the details on this, go back to my last post to find out all the specifics. I'm going to do this in bullet points: * I'm still on the plan.  * I have not cheated AT ALL.  * I have really , really , really wanted to cheat.  * As of this morning I have lost 8lbs (pretty incredible for 13 days).  * As of last Tuesday, when I last measured, I was down 5.75".    * I will measure again this Tuesday, which will be the start of week 3. * I ate out for the first time last night and managed to put together a tasty meal at a restaurant.  And I still lost .6lbs that day.  That felt like a huge win. * I still desperately miss my cup of coffee.  Not the caffeine, just the smell and taste, and the warmth in my hands, of my favorite mug of coffee.  I am counting down the days until I get it again.   It's 9 days in case you're counting along. * I have decided to do th

The Walk Towards 50

Image
Sooooo....kind of interesting...I came over to start this blog today and realized my birthday blog isn't here.  Not only is it not here, but it's not even in my drafts.  It never saved.  And generally, Blogger self saves along the way.  But it's not here.  Maybe it wasn't meant to be.  Maybe it wasn't authentic enough.  Hmmm...all I know is that it isn't here. Interestingly, I feel like a completely different person than that girl who wrote a birthday blog just 4 days ago.  And it's because what I'm here to write about today. Let's face it, getting older is rough on the body.  When I was young, I didn't want to believe that.  I often tell the story of being 17 and working for a big corporation to get high school credit as a senior.  The next youngest person I worked with was 28.  I thought she was old.  Everyone else was in their 30s, 40s, 50s and 60s.  I look back at that now and laugh.  I thought I knew so much and thought some of my co-wo

A Fear is a Fear is a Fear

Image
Welllllll....an entire month has gone by since I posted.   I've worked some on my 425 project.  Not as much as I would have liked.  March has been busy.  April is even busier.  And I'm down to 394 days.  😲 I'm currently writing this from a hotel in Sacramento.  I'm here because my kids are competing in a video game tournament.  This is my life.  #gamermom  But it won't be like this forever.  In just under 2 years, my youngest will be 18 and then he'll travel on his own.  And I'll probably miss these trips.   Except for the flying.  I'm just not a fan.  😨 But life is about pushing yourself out of your comfort zone.  Flying does that for me.  And sometimes when I am brave and push myself, I'm rewarded with majesty like this: If you're not from around here, that's Mt. Rainier.  We see her a lot out here, but not as often from this view.  😀 I'm all about being authentic here.  That means tossing my fears out there.  Becau

425

This morning I woke to a very clear message from the universe. 425 days, my friend.  You have 425 days until you're 50. If that doesn't get you out of bed to work out, I'm not sure what will.  😉 It was a literal, and figurative, wake up call.   At the beginning of this year, I wanted to start getting myself healthier as I felt 50 looming.  Then I got the flu.  And a cough that lasted for four weeks.  And I was exhausted.  And my body wanted sleep.  So, I allowed for that. Here we are on March 1st and I'm feeling good.  But I'm also *feeling* 60 days from 49.  I am feeling my age more than I ever have and I'm just not a believer that it must be this way.  I believe I have the ability to feel better, both inside and out.   I spent most of my 40s caring for my parents, grieving over their deaths, raising my children, and completing my Bachelors and Masters Degrees.  I also spent quite a bit of time working on my mental health.  I feel pretty good about